Manj I Am
Almost Homeless: A Part of the Grand Puzzle- Part 1 of 2
As per my last post, I eluded to choosing being homeless, after which, everything just fell into place beautifully. To "surrender," was absolutely key in getting to today, which has become part of my very essence, a practise I might engage in twice a day, or 144 times in a day, if need be.
Before I continue with story, I would love to share a quote with you, by a man I have great respect and honor for; Dr. Joe Dispenza~
"If you're not being defined by a vision of the future, then you are left with the memories of your past and you'll be predictable in your life.
If you're not creating anything new that means you're believing in your past more than you're believing in your future."
Upon getting ready this morning, and hearing these very words, I knew what the theme for today would be.
Not giving too much focus to the subject, -almost homeless- what I really want to touch upon is the process through it- surrendering, being caught, only to be totally and completely taken care of.
Back to surrendering in a moment, though first, when I say "being caught," I do not mean that I was caught by somebody, on the contrary- I was caught by something so profound, that I gave my whole self to, that took all of me.
Some call that thing "God," whilst others would call it "The Universe, The Flow, Consciousness, Source Energy" or as I referred to in my last post, "Great Universal Mind Substance..." If ever you've been in that position of feeling like it's your last breath, that all encompassing feeling of letting go, then you know what I mean. I gave up. I totally and completely gave up all ideas I had for my self, my life, and let it all go, let it all fall off me. I allowed that version of myself to die, and reborn I was- rather quickly, I might add.
The details of how one -my old self- gets to that stage are not of importance, except to say that the idea I had for me, wasn't quite the idea my Higher Self had for me, and a press to my heart was what I needed- a proverbial heart "attack," one could say..
Now, on surrender - which I understand is such a cliché thing to say these days- you've all seen the infamous quote flying around and perhaps have even uttered these words to yourself or someone not that long ago: "Let go, let God," or even "just surrender..." But what on earth does that mean? It's easy to say the words, but as I walked someone through this very idea last week, "if there's an ounce of feeling of uneasiness within you- anger, frustration, irritation, sadness," etc, you've not yet surrendered.
For me, if things are not feeling right, that means I'm driving, if I'm driving, I'm trying to force an outcome, in trying to do that, I'm getting farther and farther away from the very alignment I love so much- the alignment with my Higher Self. The moment I become conscious of it, I jump back into the passenger seat, and remember to breath, to smile, to enjoy all that is around me, as I'm being driven. That's what surrendering means for me, and when you've done so, there's an ease about you, a peace that washes over you, a lightness of being...
My deep knowing, not my belief, is that I am,- we are all- an expression of that from which we came, call it whatever you wish, and that thing, that non-physical Thing, experiences through me, through You, through Us. In relinquishing the steering wheel and giving up control that I never really had in the first place, things worked out, and beautifully at that.
When I walked into my new home, a place I'd not seen, but accepted on a whim (and by the way, in a most familiar way, I nearly said no this place, opting for the homeless shelter, with the thought that I had to "pay for my ways," almost a self imposed punishment...". I saw that crystal clearly, loved myself through breaking an old habitual pattern, and started anew), did I every cry. "How blessed, how very blessed Am I," I thought over and over again.
My housemates were not home. I was alone. Me, the forest outside my bedroom window, and the birds chirping away. When I stood there and closed my eyes, I imagined I was in Costa Rica, with the beautiful sounds coming from my window that spring day....I felt so entirely loved, supported, blessed, at peace.
In surrendering to the Unknown, having utmost faith in It, and the process of life, it was as though I died and went to heaven. I did...and here I am, knowing, just knowing of what comes next, and so very appreciative of this space, these souls, and this great love affair with life.
We call it quits for today, but not before telling you what comes up tomorrow, in part two.
How did I go from not having a dime, to only six months later being able to buy a ticket to visit my family in Canada, and constantly manifesting things that I wrote in "Starting from Scratch."
The answer lies in Dr. Joe's quote. Turns out I was already practicing what he teaches. Well, some of it, and now it's become a fun game of fine tuning. I like this, and I want you to know this freedom, I want everyone to know this freedom.
Until tomorrow, contemplate this: "Hustle & Grind is pure bullshit."
With very much love to and for you,