"Let the plebs think they actually have freedom. We'll give em five days off from lockdown around Christmas, and charge them five days for every one we gave them, right? They're so thick they won't even realize what's going on, rushing to their families..."
NB: the above is my mind quoting the British government and this is me in response.
"FUCK YOU ALL."
~
Back to Lord Sumption, ex Supreme Court Judge -and thank God we still have people like him who are just and really do seemingly consider the free will, sovereignty and the good of "the people," - who has made it rather clear his feelings on the game that continues to unfold. I get the feeling that Johnson and his global subordinates are hitting their heads against the wall of the revolution, as Monopoly fast comes to an end.
Here are but a few words from Lord Sumption:
Article
By Lord Sumption For The Mail On Sunday - October 17th 2020, 10:04:02 pm
LORD SUMPTION: Everything in science is provisional but one thing is certain about Covid-19. Lockdowns do not stop the disease.
~
Am I out there, protesting the overt totalitarian regimes right on our doorsteps, no, in our own living rooms on the good old "tell-a-vision..."? No. This is my part, and going inward.
Since first bit of writing after a long silence, I've been pretty good. Out of my cave for the most part, with a few lulls.
I want to share this with you, because I truly see it as the antidote to what is going on in the outer world.
As I write this, I must admit that my anger has downgraded more, and especially after coming across Lord Sumption. Reading into what he was responding to is what caused my anger to flare up again, as generally, I'm paying less attention to the msm on the tell-a-vision, or elsewhere.
Here's the lead up to this. Last night, I made it into my room just before a full on rage. I don't know why, but mum most usually is at the centre of it. I question that about myself, why I get so angry with her...
In this moment, the answer that comes, which I asked for last night too, is "she is your mother, the one you are most connected to in the most invisible of ways. Your teacher, she who is generally soft, simple, loving, who you see sometimes as blindly arrogant in her beliefs, and therefore projections."
My answer to that? Again, why am I judging that little woman? That divine perfection? Who am I to do that? Because she triggered me, and already in a shitty mood, I wanted no more than to blame her, not just anyone, not dad or Nicks, but her, for it.
When I came down, I voiced expletives aloud, louder than was necessary, but it all came out. I sat on my bed, grabbed my notepad, and started writing. I don't have it now, nor do I want to look at what I wrote, except that I used the word "hate." I allowed myself to hate, rather than just hating. It was conscious, I permissed it of myself.
I cried alot, and knew that all that was coming out, was for myself. Words to my own self. Is this how much I hate me right now? Is this how much I am able to hate my own self right now? Holy crap. I somewhat soothed myself but not enough to avoid going to my crutch- the thing I "needed," to fully feel better. Of course, that meant going upstairs, and as everyone was still around, (it was around 8:30/9pm), it wasn't gong to happen til they all retired to their rooms for the night.
So there I was, in a battle with my mind for another hour or two. I eventually did switch off the lights, and found something to substitute my crutch. I felt better for not having given in.
I then lay to try to sleep with my head feeling like it was splitting, and it all came back. I wanted the thing, and I wanted it really badly.
And then a conversation ensued in my mind or heart, or between both;
Why do you want that thing?
Because I'll feel better.
Temporarily, yes?
Don't care, I want to feel better now. I can't live without it.
"I can't live without it," seemed to be the very magical words I needed to make the trip over the bridge to the other side.
It was that sweet spot of surrender, and I was soon asleep, knowing that another version of me had died, and I would awaken renewed.
Prior to that, I'd had all kinds of ideas that I'd avoid everyone the following day.
I slept right through the night with dreams of teaching a class full of students about what I still teach today, about genes, the law of attraction, things that seem like magic, but aren't, the power of the mind, and all that we truly are. Yes, very much a positive dream state, very much.
Let us carry on. And, oh goodness, how blessed am I. Just now mum, came in and did something very surprising. She just came, asking me if wanted to eat or drink anything, as I've not had anything. I could see she was curious as to what I was doing sat, on the ground, mostly out of view, so invited her in.
I invited her to sit down beside me, where I am writing. She opted for the chair not far away, due to her knees.
We just had a beautiful conversation about things. About what I know is in the invisible, and for her to just trust that all is well, and working out for me. She's worried about the move, that I don't have a job (that pays money), in the way that she knows a job to be, and how I'll contribute to pay rent.
It was the same conversation that I have with kids, trust and have faith in what you are, want, God (or Higher Source), and know that it is done. Let go and allow it come to you. It's all in the invisible first, but trusting is the most important thing, and as we both have a deep loving for God, that's what I said. "Don't trust me mum, trust God, that everything is working out.
She left lighter, but not before a hug. Hugs aren't part of my parents culture, but to me is one of the most important connections between two people, a proper heart to heart connection.
This was the second time she came through today, and in the first time, she admitted that she had been angry last night, though it was towards dad. Here I was, because I was in such a foul mood, thinking that her not being herself was my fault, and practically demanding honesty in that very moment that I was the cause.
We both held back tears, and she probably let them fall too, after she left my room. I asked her why she didn't just say that she was angry last night, and she said she didn't know..(which also would have meant I wouldn't have that such a profound lesson last night).
When she'd first come to the room, without thinking, I asked her if she wanted a hug. She laughed as she always does (that this is sort of a Manj thing, and I'll play along), and we did. I think that first hug changed everything.
As she left, she said "sometimes we laugh....sometimes we cry, it's life."
Angel, I love her more than words.
Amazing right? How caught up we get in our own stories, which lead to unpleasant emotions....
...You know, I don't think it's things we're addicted to, it's our emotions, and if we're willing to not feed that old emotion (oh my gosh, I think I'm going to die, I need that thing to feel better at all costs), we allow ourselves to rise to change. Why don't we do that all the time? Because change and the unfamiliar are so fucking uncomfortable, but the very thing we need.
I'm going to join mum and Nicks for a walk as the sun sets shortly.
I wish you a pleasant journey today.
Lots of love, peace and balance to and for you,
xxM
PS: mind the typo's and other stuff. In order to get these posts out, I'm not editing them any longer, letting go of the need to be perfect, knowing that all is perfection. #fuckit
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